As part of the divorce process I moved out back to Los Angeles, where I am currently living with my parents as I “transition” (translation: save money while I pay off expensive lawyer fees). That also meant I rekindled friendships with my single girlfriends – all very excited that I was back in the dating game and reassuring me how much fun I would have. So how does one “date”? When I first started dating my future ex-husband, dating apps were not in existence. There was no swiping on tinder, there was awkward stalking for weeks until he had the courage to ask you out for lunch or ask for your number. You met someone at work or at a party, or they were a mutual acquaintance – NOT anymore.
Excited but feeling super awkward about creating a dating profile, I dove right in. I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and Hinge on the advice of my friends. I immediately dealt with the struggle of creating a profile that would be reflective of who I really was (I don’t want to mislead anyone) versus the marketed and sexier version of myself. Basically me without make up on a hike, versus me dolled up in heels. The mortifying part was when my friend asked to see my profile and started judging not the quotes or information I posted, but my pictures. She immediately asked “Where is your body shot?” meaning no one cares about my selfies, where is the photo of my body. She proceeded to scroll through my photos and basically told me I should get rid of the boring photos – which happened to be pictures of me without makeup at home (which is me usually!).
But I began to realize a common thread among the dating profiles of the opposite sex. At one point I was swiping past the same photos: __MALE____ in Maccu Piccu,____MALE___ with his dog, __MALE_____at the beach with sunglasses on. The descriptions were all similar too: “I love to be active and I love to travel!” Yes, yes, we all do don’t we? I also felt like the guys popping up on my screen all looked like douche bags, it wasn’t until a buddy of mine who is a male told me it’s impossible not to look like a douchebag when you’re a guy because posing for a photo doesn’t really work for guys – it always ends up coming off as cheesy and cocky.
So scouring through dating apps was harder than I had imagined. I decided, to just go for what felt right and I decided not to put my eggs in one basket. If a guy stood out to me for some reason, I would message him. After all, if it didn’t work out, he didn’t have my personal contact information and it wouldn’t be a bad rejection for either of us as we would just continue along the swiping wave.
I also decided I would inform any men who contacted me that I was going through a divorce and living with my parents – honesty is important here…whether I say it immediately or on date three doesn’t matter folks!